"Motherless Child"

“Motherless Child”

One of my biggest issues in my personal life is my mother. Her absence in my life and occasional guest appearances has complicated me. She has always existed, however, due to her drug addiction it was better that she be distant. I do understand the situation but now she has been clean for almost 10 years and her mannerisms make me hate her. Her inconsistencies have taken me through a serious emotional rollercoaster.

In the past, I have tried dealing with her: trying to create a relationship, bond, love her despite her horrifying ways, and more. Sadly, I have not succeeded in any of those attempts. It all fails. No matter how hard I try to heal my wounds of being a motherless child, I just cannot. Her personality really just turns me off… especially the way she treats my younger brother. It pierces my heart to see her dog him out as she did me at times.

So Today when she was rude and disrespectful for 99th time, I had had enough. How could she disrespect me after I had did more than my big sisterly duties by taking my brother to the doctors, which she should have done a month ago. She hung up on me (really disrespectful...Biooootch) and then tone with the entire convo was loud and aggressive (which I hate).

So before I called her back and cussed her ass out, I really had to sit and contemplate about her existence in my life because truthfully she is unnecessary. She can get the boot like others with drama in their life and she definitely was not worth me wasting negative energy on.

I realized that I no longer have the urge to want her motherly touch, which I now know she does not possess. I am really fed up with her. I refuse to have such ignorance in my life as well as her unnecessary drama and baggage. Like I said before, “it is time for change.” I do not want that burden on me. I am completely content within my world. I think her stupidity has given me a strength that I do not fully understand yet, but I do thank her.

I am finally realizing that a “Motherless Child” is sometimes a blessing in disguise…well especially for me.