Friday, July 18, 2008
"Motherless Child"
“Motherless Child”
One of my biggest issues in my personal life is my mother. Her absence in my life and occasional guest appearances has complicated me. She has always existed, however, due to her drug addiction it was better that she be distant. I do understand the situation but now she has been clean for almost 10 years and her mannerisms make me hate her. Her inconsistencies have taken me through a serious emotional rollercoaster.
In the past, I have tried dealing with her: trying to create a relationship, bond, love her despite her horrifying ways, and more. Sadly, I have not succeeded in any of those attempts. It all fails. No matter how hard I try to heal my wounds of being a motherless child, I just cannot. Her personality really just turns me off… especially the way she treats my younger brother. It pierces my heart to see her dog him out as she did me at times.
So Today when she was rude and disrespectful for 99th time, I had had enough. How could she disrespect me after I had did more than my big sisterly duties by taking my brother to the doctors, which she should have done a month ago. She hung up on me (really disrespectful...Biooootch) and then tone with the entire convo was loud and aggressive (which I hate).
So before I called her back and cussed her ass out, I really had to sit and contemplate about her existence in my life because truthfully she is unnecessary. She can get the boot like others with drama in their life and she definitely was not worth me wasting negative energy on.
I realized that I no longer have the urge to want her motherly touch, which I now know she does not possess. I am really fed up with her. I refuse to have such ignorance in my life as well as her unnecessary drama and baggage. Like I said before, “it is time for change.” I do not want that burden on me. I am completely content within my world. I think her stupidity has given me a strength that I do not fully understand yet, but I do thank her.
I am finally realizing that a “Motherless Child” is sometimes a blessing in disguise…well especially for me.
One of my biggest issues in my personal life is my mother. Her absence in my life and occasional guest appearances has complicated me. She has always existed, however, due to her drug addiction it was better that she be distant. I do understand the situation but now she has been clean for almost 10 years and her mannerisms make me hate her. Her inconsistencies have taken me through a serious emotional rollercoaster.
In the past, I have tried dealing with her: trying to create a relationship, bond, love her despite her horrifying ways, and more. Sadly, I have not succeeded in any of those attempts. It all fails. No matter how hard I try to heal my wounds of being a motherless child, I just cannot. Her personality really just turns me off… especially the way she treats my younger brother. It pierces my heart to see her dog him out as she did me at times.
So Today when she was rude and disrespectful for 99th time, I had had enough. How could she disrespect me after I had did more than my big sisterly duties by taking my brother to the doctors, which she should have done a month ago. She hung up on me (really disrespectful...Biooootch) and then tone with the entire convo was loud and aggressive (which I hate).
So before I called her back and cussed her ass out, I really had to sit and contemplate about her existence in my life because truthfully she is unnecessary. She can get the boot like others with drama in their life and she definitely was not worth me wasting negative energy on.
I realized that I no longer have the urge to want her motherly touch, which I now know she does not possess. I am really fed up with her. I refuse to have such ignorance in my life as well as her unnecessary drama and baggage. Like I said before, “it is time for change.” I do not want that burden on me. I am completely content within my world. I think her stupidity has given me a strength that I do not fully understand yet, but I do thank her.
I am finally realizing that a “Motherless Child” is sometimes a blessing in disguise…well especially for me.
Sunday, July 13, 2008
Is it Really that F'en Hard to say Sorry......
Right Now... I am very annoyed! My boyfriend or whatever he is, has a very difficult time apologizing, which really bothers me. Shoot, I felt as though he hung up on me. He claims he didn't but I could have swore he did. So instead of apologizing for the misunderstanding, he argues that he did not do it. It is not about if he did it or not, It simply addresses how he and I deal with conflict.
I believe when it is an issue that whether you meant to do it or not, if the other person feels that way that you should do whatever to make sure that person understands that you did not mean it that way. Even if that means saying SORRY!!!
Damn, it is so difficult to solve issues with him because it is a constant argument. Never smooth sailing in order to let the issue bypass. Then he wonders why I do not get over stuff. I do not let it go at times because I know he does not even see the picture or the bigger issue. Misunderstandings happen all the time and I get that, however, I am upset about this one so be a good man and make it right. Its no need to bitch and moan about you not doing it.
Saying Sorry Sometimes immediately without any bullshit excuse or explanation makes life so much more simple.
♥ Empress Bee ♥
Venting Mechanism...
Hello World......
I recently decided that I wanted to create a blog to share my inner thoughts, soul, and most personal views. I also wanted to document my growth and journey through life. Recently, I just have been feeling the emotion of change. I really think its time for change in my life: how I think, how I deal with people, how I act and treat people, the people I surround myself with, and my future. I really need to sort out some major issues within my life through thorough examination and debating the best outcome for me. I just want to learn how to let go of some of my baggage, I DO NOT want to be a typical scarred black woman with issues. You know the pain in the ass, typical Black Bitch Syndrome chic.
Even though I have overcame many hurdles in life: a drug-addicted mother, abusive step-mother due to my passive father, a dysfunctional family, deceitful friends and lovers, those experiences have created other personality traits that now I am embarrassed of and simply ashamed. Acknowledging the root of my baggage and my personality made me realized my newly revelation of change within ME. So here I am...Brittany Anastasia Latney! Raw, Uncensored, Emotional, Angered, Loving, Pissed, Crazy, Funny, Weird...ME!
♥ Empress Bee ♥
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